As children, some of us may have played the game “Gossip”. The game begins with a selected child whispering something in the person’s ear sitting next to them. That person is to say the same thing that was told to them to the next person sitting beside them and so on until it goes around full circle ending with the person that started. That player reveals the “secret” to the group and then discloses what he/she originally stated. There is almost always a discrepancy between the original and ending statements. As adults, we understand that this game illustrates how information often gets distorted or assumptions are made.

It’s everywhere…in the grocery store, at the gym and even in the doctor’s office. It happens amongst groups of friends or peers, finds its way into the newspapers and sometimes its considered national news. There are television shows and magazines that perpetuate the rumor mill. Most of us have participated in gossip at some point in our lives and may have joined in the behavior at work. Workplace gossip is harmful not only to individual relationships but gossip also effects the company. Some may believe that if they just listen to gossip then it’s harmful. By allowing gossips to occur in front of us, is essentially giving the message this behavior is acceptable. My thought has always been if someone is willing to gossip to you about someone…then what makes you think that they’re not doing the same thing to someone else about you? Here are some negative consequences to consider about workplace gossip:

Gossip damages trust and morale.
Interferes with productivity and efficiency.
Truths or assumptions are more likely to be distorted.
Privacy may be violated.
Hurt feelings and damaged reputations.
Decreased employee satisfaction.
Employee may be passed up for a promotion due to unprofessional behavior associated with gossip.

You may have decided that you don’t want to participate in gossip, but aren’t sure how to get out of the situation. Here are some ideas that may help.

Be honest about your thoughts and feelings.
Focus on yourself. Use “I” statements when communicating.
Remember KISS. “Keep it Simple Silly” when confronting the behavior
It’s okay to leave the room. If it’s only two people in the conversation, it’s impossible for the other to keep going without you.

Here are some examples of what to say in an uncomfortable gossip situation:

“I have to be honest, I don’t think that talking about the problems that ______ is having behind her/his back is going to help her/him.”

“As _______’s friends (co-workers), I think that we should think better ways to support her/him instead of talking about her/him. Let’s ask _______ how s/he would like us to do that.”

“I am uncomfortable discussing this and I think it’s inappropriate. I know that my feelings would be hurt if I knew my friends (co-workers) were talking about my personal problems and spreading things around.”

Finally, remember that if you are struggling with getting away from the wagging tongues at work, call EAP. We can provide a safe place to talk about your feelings and work with you to discover ways to confront this negative behavior and support you in your efforts. You can reach us at 800-688-6330, 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

Contact the EAP Helpline at 1-800-688-6330 for confidential assistance.

Written by Tamara Gremillion, LPC, Cracker Barrel EAP Counselor
May, 2006
 

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